Encouraging and Cultivating Positive Behaviour in Children — A Teacher's Perspective

As a teacher, tutor, and parent, I’ve seen behaviour challenges from every angle. And if there’s one thing I believe with absolute certainty, it’s this:

👉 Children don’t learn positive behaviour by being told what to do — they learn it by watching what we do.

💛 Model What You Want to See

Positive behaviour must be modelled. If we want children to be kind, respectful, and emotionally aware — we must show them what that looks like. That means modelling how to stay calm in conflict, how to apologise when we’re wrong, and how to treat others with respect.

As parents and educators, we’re not perfect. But the way we respond after a mistake is just as powerful as the behaviour itself.

💬 Encouragement Over Control

There’s a big difference between managing behaviour and encouraging it.

Managing behaviour often becomes dictatorial — full of threats, raised voices, and control. Encouragement, on the other hand, says: "How can I help?"

Children respond so much better when they feel understood rather than judged. I’ll never forget hearing a teacher in the classroom next to mine shout so loudly through the breeze block walls: “DO NOT SHOUT IN THIS CLASSROOM!” — oh, the irony. We must practise what we preach.

🧠 Encourage self-awareness

Over the years, I’ve used sticker charts, reward systems, and various reinforcement methods. They work — but only temporarily. If we really want to develop positive behaviour, children must be empowered with autonomy over their own actions.

I’ve seen the biggest transformation when we help children develop self-awareness — encouraging them to catch themselves before making a choice they m

ight regret. If they slip up (as all children do), it’s key to communicate with empathy and help them understand the impact of their actions, not just punish the behaviour.

🏠 What Can Parents Do?

Start by modelling. If you lose your temper, shout, or say something in frustration — own it. Later, when emotions have calmed, say:

“I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I’m really sorry if that upset you.”

Then pause. Let your child take the lead. If they don’t apologise too, a gentle prompt is all it takes: “Is there anything you’d like to say sorry for?”

This teaches humility, communication, and empathy — all while keeping your connection strong.

⚖️ Why Threats Don’t Work

It’s tempting to say: “If you don’t do this, I’ll take away your iPad!” But threats are short-term solutions. If they don’t work (and often they don’t), you’re left in a tough spot: follow through or lose credibility.

More importantly, they chip away at a child’s sense of safety and ownership. Imagine what it feels like to believe that even your most prized possessions aren’t secure. Instead, give choices, set boundaries, and explain why behaviour matters — not just what’s expected.

🧩 Supporting Neurodivergent Children

As someone with ADHD and dyslexia, I deeply understand how differently children experience the world.

Children with ADHD or other neurodiverse needs can meet the same behaviour expectations — but they often need far more patience, empathy, and tailored strategies to help them get there.

Impulse control, emotion regulation, and self-awareness don’t come easily — and they certainly don’t come quickly. But with compassion and consistency, we can help them develop the tools they need.

Sometimes that means stepping out of the room. Sometimes it’s counting, breathing, drawing, or movement breaks. I’ll be sharing a deeper blog on this soon — because it deserves its own space.

🎨 What About Creativity?

As a teacher and tutor who specialises in creative learning, I’ve found that art and play can be powerful tools for emotional understanding and behaviour support.

Here are some of the ways I’ve used creativity to help children develop emotional awareness and make more positive behaviour choices: 🖍️ Draw How You Feel – I use art therapy-inspired exercises where children paint or draw how they’re feeling. Sometimes, giving colour or shape to an emotion helps children see what’s going on inside — and talk about it more calmly.

🧸 Role-play with Puppets or Stories – Reenacting tricky situations through stories or characters can help children safely explore consequences and alternative choices. Puppets work especially well with younger children who may not yet have the language for abstract reflection.

📉 Feelings Thermometer – This helps children track their emotions before they “boil over.” I’ve used this alongside a calm corner — a dedicated space where children can go before things escalate, giving them autonomy and space to self-regulate.

📦 Calm Down Box – Filled with sensory tools like fidget items, soft textures, or drawing prompts — this gives children something to focus on when they need to reset, without shame or punishment.

✍️ Poetry & Writing to Express Anger – Writing can be an incredible outlet for big feelings. I’ve encouraged children to explore what anger feels like through poems or stories, helping them understand it instead of being consumed by it.

These tools work especially well for neurodivergent children. They may need more time, more patience, and different strategies — but they deserve the same respect, support, and belief in their potential.

💬 Take-away Tips for Parents!

Positive behaviour starts at home — and it starts with you.

Here’s what I recommend:

• Model respect — even when you’re tired, angry, or frustrated

• Avoid threats — “If you don’t tidy up, I’ll take away your tablet” might work once, but it teaches fear, not responsibility

• Give autonomy — children need to feel ownership over their things and their choices

• Communicate clearly — if expectations aren’t met, explain why and work together to make a plan

• Offer repair — let children apologise, and let them see you do it too

  
  

  ❤️ Final Thoughts

  Children don’t need perfection. They need presence, consistency, empathy — and good examples.

  If we model the behaviour we want to see, and guide children with compassion rather than control, we don’t just manage behaviour — we nurture future adults who know how to manage themselves.

  Let’s be the role models they need. 💬 Want more tips like these?Join my Facebook group “Bolton & Bury Parents – Education, Tuition & Tips” — a supportive space for local parents who want to boost their child’s confidence, creativity, and learning at home.

  ✨ Get practical advice, free resources, and connect with other like-minded families.📚 Let’s nurture happy, motivated learners — together.

  👉 Join the group here